I extend my heartiest congratulations to the graduating class of 2011. The first of what I hope will be many graduations to come. As you move on to a foundational stage of your life-i.e. primary school- I want to encourage you to live your life for God, obey your parents, respect your teachers, be polite and well mannered to others, and be diligent in your school work. Words such as good morning, good afternoon, good night, please, thank you, may I, and excuse me – words which we refer to as kingdom words in our home, must be part of your daily vocabulary.
These qualities should you live by them will guarantee you a life of good success.

I am a father of 3 children whose ages are 7, 4 and 2. This afternoon I will like to share with you some truths that my wife and I have adopted in parenting our children. I trust that you will receive from, be encouraged and be blessed by our experience.

1. Understand God’s design for parenting and live by it
The bible says that God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him: male and female He created them. (Gen Ch 1 vs. 27). This verse of scripture suggests to me that God the Father has both male and female characteristics in His personality. God therefore, the most perfect Father, loves us from both a male and female perspective. Thus, for the wholesome development of our children, it stands to reason that by God’s design, both parents, male and female, are required to have an active involvement in the raising of children.
In today’s society we are plagued with absentee fathers, unsupervised children and parents that are so caught up in the daily challenges of life that insufficient attention is being paid to their training and development. The result of this is indiscipline and delinquency amongst the children of today. This is a direct consequence of ineffective parenting. Each of us gathered in this graduation today can contribute to turning around this sorry state of affairs by understanding God’s design for parenting and living by it.

In this address I will share with you some of our experiences (my wife and I) in upbringing our children. However, before I proceed further I want to briefly outline God’s purpose for parenting.
Our primary purpose in the raising of our children is to bring them up in the fear and admonition of the living God. For them to know Him and enter into and develop their own relationship with God. Everything else, though essential for survival, for example food, shelter, education, and health care, is secondary responsibilities of parenting.
It is also our firm belief that it will be easier for children to be drawn to God if they can witness and experience His characteristics and love being displayed through the characteristics and love that they experience and receive from their parents. Both father and mother have an integral part to play.

If there are any fathers or mothers gathered today who are not fulfilling an active role in the upbringing of your children I say to you that you are walking away from the will and purpose of God. I pray that through the Holy Spirit that you become convicted of the error of your ways and that you submit to the will of God with respect to the upbringing of your children.

I will also like to empathise with any single parent gathered today, for it is not by His design for you to raise your children alone. I pray the grace and strength of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ to be with you and that you draw wisdom, courage and strength from Him, who is and always will be the only wise God.

To understand God’s blueprint for parenting one needs to know the Father.

2. Know the Father
When we first found out that we were pregnant we were determined to become the best parents that we could be. We decided to model our parenting style along the lines of the most perfect parent- God the Father.

My wife and I have accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Saviour. We endeavour to have a relationship with Him- a daily walk. Like with any relationship in the physical flesh, we have learnt that the more time we spend with God the more He reveals Himself to us. And, as we get to know more of Jesus we strive to adopt His nature and His character in our lives and in the upbringing of our children.

Unconditional love

I have learnt that in times when my children disappoint me or cause me to be angry I must still choose to love them just as Christ chose to love me- rotting in my sins. This is called unconditional love.

Selfless and sacrificial love
I can recall many instances of having to help with the school work, to go on outings with school group, and to attend the numerous birthday parties or various extra-curricular activities, when I would have much preferred to be at home resting or engaging in some other activity. But I understand the importance of taking an active interest in the things that my children do because I know that when I am with them they are encouraged, they thrive and they are most happy. Every other competing desire that I may have had now became so unimportant.
By putting their interests above mine I am loving them selflessly. By surrendering my desires in order for theirs to be fulfilled I am loving them sacrificially. Christ by His example has taught me to love both selflessly and sacrificially. Parents, it is in this manner that we are called to love our children. Fathers I encourage you, I implore you to be visible and to be actively, physically, emotionally and spiritually involved in your children’s lives.
Forgiveness
Christ died to forgive us of our sins. Christ requires us to forgive those that have offended us. Christ also requires us to seek forgiveness when we have wronged others.
In raising our children we have taught them that they must repent when they have been disobedient. They must apologise for their behaviour, acknowledge the wrong that they have done and commit to not repeating the offence again. This is what God requires of us when we sin. And by God’s example we forgive our children once they have confessed their sins and have sought forgiveness.
It is equally important that we also seek our children’s forgiveness when we have committed offences against them. It demonstrates to them that as parents we too make mistakes and that we are subject to the same Godly principles that they are being taught.
These are just a few of the attributes of the Father that we have learnt by pursuing a relationship with Him. We develop this relationship by firstly giving our lives to Jesus , secondly by having His presence in our thoughts and heart at all times, thirdly by being in fellowship with a church, fourthly by reading His word and fifthly, by having a prayerful relationship with Him.
I believe that one of the main reasons for the increase in child delinquency and the numerous social ills of society today is the absence of God in the home. We have become too busy struggling to survive and too distracted by the desires of material things that God is becoming less and less important in our lives.
I want to encourage you to get to know Jesus and to surrender your life to Him, if you have not already done so.
I am speaking directly to the fathers now, God has called you to be the prophet (the one who hears His direction for the family) and He has called you to be the priest (the one who leads the family in prayer and devotion) of your home. I encourage you to step up and fulfil this purpose of God over your lives.
3. Train the child
Oftentimes we have heard the saying, “You can make a child but you cannot make his or her mind”. We usually hear this comment when one’s child happens to be on the wrong side of the law. This I believe is a lie from the very pit of hell. The Bible says “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” The future of our children is in our hands. We, both father and mother, have a responsibility to train our children.
In our household we put God first by having a time of daily devotion which includes worship, prayer and bible study. Topics such as character building, the fruit of the Spirit and the ministry of Jesus are but just a few that have been taught. Our children are encouraged to give God thanks for His goodness and to pray for God’s guidance. We believe that by putting Kingdom’s business first all things shall be added onto us.
We believe in providing our children with a solid education. Our children are home schooled. Their mother is their teacher but I take an interest in their education by tutoring my son on a Saturday and enquiring daily about what they had accomplished in school that day. I also ensure that I can satisfy their demands for school supplies and learning materials when the need arises.
We believe in exposing our children to extra-curricular activities to give to them opportunities to discover their gifting and talents. Being home-schooled their mommy is with them during these times. I capitalize on every precious opportunity to be present at these activities with them. My children are always excited when I unexpectedly show up at their extra-curricular activities.
The above are the priorities that we have established for our children. Living on a single income in my household sometimes poses a challenge in terms of meeting their needs. It calls for sacrifice and the postponement of the purchase of material things or foregoing certain pleasures of life so that their needs are met. We believe in investing in their future so that they can become a good testimony to their upbringing and more importantly to God our Father.
Training and discipline goes hand in hand. The bible says to spare the rod is to spoil the child. In our home we do not tolerate indiscipline. We have clearly established the rules of expected behaviour and have set the tone in order to encourage the desired behaviour. Children are children, and will step out of line from time to time. To bring them back into conformance they are disciplined.
In disciplining our children we explain to them the reasons why they are being punished and remind them of the behaviour that is expected of them. Most often we use non-corporal forms of punishment but there are times when we are required to use the rod. We also endeavour not to execute punishment in a fit of rage.
Key to our disciplining is to balance punishment with mercy. After each episode of punishment we embrace, kiss and reassure our children of our love for them. In this way they can better understand that they are being punished because we love them.
By laying the proper foundation, when life’s challenges come, our children will be well equipped to weather the storm and make the right choices. We are conditioning their mind on the foundation of Christ Jesus.
4. Inheritance
The bible says that a good man leaves an inheritance for his children’s children. What a challenge for us?
I strongly believe that each generation should be better off than the preceding one. Our children should have a better quality of life than we did when we were at their age. They should also have a better start in life than we did.
Fathers is this your mission for your children? If not, I suggest that you realign your financial priorities.
We need to be good stewards of the finances that the Lord has given to us and we must develop a good habit of saving and investing, even if it is a paltry sum. The scripture says that “he who is faithful in very little is faithful also in much.”
Be wise and prudent in your spending. I recommend that you develop a budget and develop a habit of financial responsibility and discipline. Examine how you are presently spending your money and assess whether it is contributing optimally to both the present and future needs of your children and family.
5. Some other practical guidelines especially for dads
Be affectionate to your children. I hug and kiss my children multiple times each day both in public and in private and they also reciprocate. Each of my children look forward to this physical expression of love and it provides them with a tangible assurance that they are loved.
From time to time both parents may not agree on matters concerning the children. Do not disagree in the presence of your children. Open disagreement could contribute to children taking sides which could lead to disrespect for one parent and a breakdown in the family unit.
Always show a keen and active interest in what they are doing. Praise and compliment them at all times. Encourage them when they need to be encouraged. Do not curse them; do not speak evil of them. Our speech to them should be of blessings and favour. There is power in the words that we speak and we must therefore speak words that will build their confidence, develop their character and contribute to their overall success and well being.
Lead by example. Children like to identify especially with their fathers. Be of a godly character so that when they emulate you they will be displaying godly characteristics in their lives.
Don’t favour one child over the other. Love them all equally. Favouritism will contribute to resentment, a dysfunctional child and ultimately a dysfunctional home.
Conclusion
Today I have shared with you how we raise our children by foundational principles from the bible. We strive to love, nurture, provide, protect and care for our children in a like manner to how God our Father takes care of us.
We live a life of total dependence on God and through the abundance of His grace we find that parenting is pleasurable, joyous and rewarding. We cannot do it without Him and you do not have to do it alone.
I thank you and bless you in the wonderful name of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

This year I allowed Joseph and Phoebe to attend Vacation Bible School at a Church that was not our home church. One of the days after picking them up together with their cousins it was as if the three girls ganged up against my son because they all had complaints about his behaviour. After I questioned him I realised he did misbehave on that day and to make matters worse his teacher had to correct him on his behaviour.

When I heard my son was disrupting a class I could feel my blood boiling. I decided the best way to handle the situation was to let his daddy deal with him just in case my anger was preventing me from being rational. I simply told him that when he got to his Granny’s house he was to stay in bed until his daddy came home from work for us to discuss his behaviour.

When my husband came from work we decided that he would go the next day and apologize to his teacher for being disruptive in her class. Joseph did not want to apologize. His response to me was that it was only one day he misbehaved and that he got commended on previous days for his good behaviour. We explained to him that he must still apologise for his wrong.

It was his first time doing something like this so I told him that I would go with him. I knew he was afraid because the next day when I asked him to show me the teacher who corrected him he pointed to someone who never taught him. However, when I did meet his teacher I explained to her that my son had something to say to her for his behaviour the day before. He apologized. Being the lovely lady she was she gave him a hug accepted his apology and expressed how proud she was of him. Afterwards I hugged him and told him I loved him.

Although that morning I felt a bit sad, by the afternoon my eyes were filled with tears of happiness as my son was given the prize for overall best behaved and most co-oporative student in his class. I felt even more blessed when I heard that during a group session volunteers were requested to sing the VBS theme song and my son was the first to go up and sing in front of the entire VBS camp that day.

After VBS I explained to him that when he sins repentance gives him an opportunity to bring himself back to a relationship with God so that he can continue to receive the full blessings of the Lord and once he was sorry there was no condemnation to him.

Father I lift up my son and I continue to pray that he would learn benefits you have provided to him in living according to your Word. Father when he has done wrong help him to honestly assess his actions and seek forgiveness from you and other parties affected without feeling continuous guilt. In Jesus’ name amen.

with confidence

Monique writes

Joseph disliked water falling upon his head or in his face. Yet he always enjoyed playing and waddling in inflated pools with his younger sister and cousins.

When he was two months short of four years we enrolled him in swim classes, which we suspected would have been challenging for him. However my philosophy is you live on an island so you better know how to swim.

On the first day he made me so proud when he went into the pool on his own. Things started off well. Then his teacher poured water over his head. My son began screaming and running out of the pool much to my embarrassment.

It took him some time to settle back down during the term. We were wondering whether he enjoyed swimming or whether we were pushing him too much.

Each new term resulted in a new teacher and yet another challenge. I realised that Joseph did not adjust well to new people and a new environment. The screaming and running continued.

 I tried many different strategies: praying, counselling, rewards, withholding privileges, telling stories about brave heroes of the bible, I would even go to a relative’s pool and privately give him extra coaching from me, but progress was slow to almost stagnant.

Nevertheless, we continued to encourage him and persevered with him. We did not give up on him.

One Saturday he had a horrid experience. The instructor had him doing an exercise in the adult pool that clearly he was not ready for. He released the kick board and began to sink. Joseph was terrified and developed a fear of drowning.

After this incident Joseph did not want to go into the adult pool anymore. He will tremble with fear when it was his turn to go into the pool. The screaming and running occurred again. It was pretty embarrassing for me, being the only parent running around the swimming pool complex trying to hold my son to get him back into the pool.

Despite these incidents we told Joseph that we believed in Him. We assured him that Jesus is watching him and protecting him and will not allow anything bad to happen to him. Repeatedly we convinced him that he can do all things through Christ who strengthens him.

It is truly amazing how God works in God’s timing. Despite continuous prayer and encouragement just when I was about to break and give up on him my husband reminded me that at one point there was a swimming instructor who my son was very comfortable with, and advised me to have a chat with him to see whether he would offer private lessons. I got in touch with the instructor. He could not facilitate private lessons but he asked me to bring Joseph for one session to assess the problem.

 Joseph without fear and hesitation went into the big pool with him. He was clearly enjoying himself. After spending one hour Joseph was doggy paddling on his own in the pool. His confidence was restored. Tears came to my eyes in disbelief. I had been running around the very same compound for the last year trying to get him to stay in the same pool and all it took was one hour with this instructor. My son was comfortably doggy paddling in the adult pool. All that I could have said was, “Hallelujah! Praise the Lord.” The prayer of a frustrated parent who was really trying to help her son did not go unanswered.

The instructor advised me that for the next term I should put him in a different program which I did. When he returned to the initial program the instructor of his new class assessed him and told me that, “Joseph is a star!”  At first I couldn’t believe that it was my son he was talking about. Today Joseph looks forward to going to swimming and is doing very well.

I don’t need to say what a happy parent I am taking both Joseph and Phoebe to swimming.

Father thank you for the trials you put us through whether it be big or small because Father through it all “…those who know Your name will put their trust in You; For you Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.” In Jesus name Amen.

Larry writes:

One of Phoebe’s extra-curricular activities is dancing. She loves being dressed up like a little ballerina and she looks forward to dance classes every Saturday morning.

One day we observed Phoebe dancing. She was gyrating her waist in way that is known in Trinidad as wining. We knew she didn’t learn this at dance school and were left wondering where she could have picked this up. Nevertheless, both her mommy and I spoke to her and explained to her that moving her waist in that manner makes Jesus unhappy. We reiterated that we will not like her to dance in that way anymore. Over the weeks we kept reinforcing the message to her.

Recently, we were at a relative’s house when a little girl was showing her parents how to “palance”, jump and wave. Palancing is the name given to the latest “wining” dance at the last Trinidad carnival.  My little girl was being encouraged to “palance” as well.

She immediately left and came to me covering my mouth with her hands saying, “Hush daddy, don’t say anything? Close your eyes daddy- don’t look.”

 I interpreted this as her way of saying, “don’t you worry daddy- I will not disappoint you.”  And she did not. My little girl did not give in to the peer pressure. About fifteen minutes afterwards I called her and told her that she is an obedient girl and that I love her. I gave her a big hug.

A big trap that the devil uses against the innocence of children is for adults to encourage children into behaviour that looks cute or sounds funny but is gratifying to the flesh and outright displeasing in God’s eyes. We ask God to help us not to encourage our children in such behaviour. To do so “causes one of these little ones who believe in (Jesus) to stumble.” Jesus says for those who do this, “it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea.”

Father help us not to encourage our children in behaviour that may cause them to stumble and be led astray. Father forgive us if we have caused You offense in this regard. Father we also stand in the gap for this nation and every adult that have encouraged  children in wrongful conduct. I ask for your mercies. I ask that the eyes of our understanding be enlightened and that we will turn away from our wicked ways. In Jesus’ name, Amen. 

Monique writes:

If you are a parent of a three year old, especially a very chatty three year old, you might know that very often a discourse that ordinarily would take an adult sixty seconds might take that same three year old five minutes (probably an exaggeration). In addition, most of the time you already understand the point way before the end, but just out of good manners and wanting them to develop proper communication skills you let them continue.

As a stay at home mom who has to know how to multi-task in order to survive, whenever my little ones come to relate an incident to me I always listen but soon after getting the gist of what they are saying I always find something to do whilst listening to them (e.g) clear a counter, wash some dishes, fold clothes etc.)

My little Phoebe however has not accepted this. Lately whenever she would like to say something she starts with “mommy look at me.” She would ensure that I stopped what I was doing  and give to her my undivided attention.

One day whilst I was ironing I asked the Lord. “Lord, why does she always say ‘look at me?’ Is she developing an insecurity?” And then, it is as if I heard the Lord say “Look at Me.”

Immediately I realised that even the Lord was saying to me I have to sit down and give to Him my undivided attention. To be still, and know that He is God. Ps. Ch. 46 vs 10.

 Yes it is good to talk with Him as I am going through the day, but it was also important for me to spend quiet time with Him. Just to sit quietly and listen to His voice and to meditate on His word.

Father thank you for my children, often times I see myself as being here to instruct them but you also use them to speak to me and I thank you for this. I know just as they have a lot to learn I too also have a lot to learn and I pray that as you instruct me I will listen to your voice and yours alone and follow your way.

Thank you Lord. In Jesus’ name, amen.

On a field trip to the Wildfowl Trust- Pointe a Pierre- Trinidad

Monique writes:

I spent the last week planning school work for the new school term. I need to have a detailed schedule of what the children will be doing every half hour of the day. This will help us to stay on course especially at times when the baby demands my attention. Having a proper plan would help me to better direct the other two children.

Every term I also tend to make changes to their schedule. For example, this term Joseph is moving up to grade 1 and Phoebe is starting kindergarten.

At the end of my planning session I was reviewing the details. Suddenly I remembered God and got stopped in my tracks. “Monique?” I heard in my inner person, “you can plan and plan as much as you like but the reality is if you do not put God in charge, put Him first in the plan it would be to no avail,”

Unless the Lord builds the house, they labour in vain who build it. Ps. Ch 127 vs. 1.

 I immediately stopped and prayed.

Father you are a God of order and You want us to have order in our day. Lord you also want us to seek You and put You first in all things. Father as I start my new term I put my plans into Your hands and ask that you help me to accomplish my objectives. Help me to set reasonable goals and help me to maintain the discipline towards achieving them. Father help the children to be receptive to the changes I bring this term. I come against all distractions of the enemy and every scheme of his to bring about failure. I declare that we will have a successful term and Father not my will but your will be done over our lives. In Jesus’ name amen.

Monique writes:

My Grandmother died yesterday and in celebration of her life we all gathered around in a circle to give God thanks. Everyone in the group was asked to say one word that described my Grandmother. When it was my son and daughter’s turn however, they did not want to say anything. When we returned home I had a moment alone with my son so I asked him again if he can tell me one word to describe my Grandmother (his Great Grandmother). He did not say anything at first but after some encouragement he said “old”. “Mommy I did not want to say this in front of everybody today,” he went on to explain.  I laughed inwardly because in his mind old was not something good.

I laughed to myself because I remembered that character quality we have been training in him. If you do not have anything good to say about someone be silent. In his mind being old was not something good and as a result he kept quiet.

I remember Proverbs Ch 21 vs 23 , “whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles.”

a day at Manzanilla

Monique writes:

Today I commended my son for work he had done very well. Unexpectedly, I heard the little voice of my older daughter saying “I am proud of you Joseph.” Those gigantic words just went rippling through my body to give me warm fuzzy feelings. There was no jealousy no malice and no tantrum throwing.

These are the times I see our hard work reaping rewards. The many times we say to them that when one gets praised or acknowledged for a job well done that the others should be happy for and be encouraged by their sibling’s success.

 At 3 years old Phoebe showed understanding of this fundamental character builder written in Romans 12 vs. 15; “rejoice with those who rejoice and weep for those who weep”. Of course, those gigantic words resulted in praise for her as well. I took the opportunity to reaffirm to her that being happy for her brother’s success was the right behaviour and that she made mommy and Jesus proud of her. I gave her a big hug and I knew that she felt special.

As I reflect on this incident I am also reminded by Peter’s words in the book of Acts Ch 10 vs 34 “In truth I perceive that God shows no partiality”. When one is joyful for others success, it positions one to be blessed by God, similar to my outpouring of love to Phoebe with words of encouragement and a big hug.    

Father, thank you for allowing the love that we show to our children to be planted in their hearts. I come against the devil trying to root up these seeds of love. Father as my children grow, help them to continue to show love and respect for each other. I come against all sibling rivalry and conflict that may want to rise up against them and I declare unity and love amongst them for as long as they live. I make this prayer in Jesus name amen.

Monique writes:

Raising children provides many opportunities for me to experience the long suffering, patient and kind characteristics of love that Paul wrote to the Church in Corinth (Corinthians Ch 13.)

For example, today Phoebe threw some terrible tantrums that had me wondering whether she is suffering from a severe case of middle child syndrome.

I am not prepared to compromise my standards of conduct and allow her to have her own way just to prevent her from throwing tantrums. Instead I am seeking to discover ways in which I could love her so that she will know that she is loved.

 The Lord deposited this nugget in my heart a few days ago. He has shown me that she likes it when I take her out on mom dates for ice cream and cake and that she especially likes to get her back tickled . I have been making greater efforts in these areas.

In my mind I want her to be able to one day look back at our relationship and see that mommy did not treat her with any less love than her two siblings.

Father I continue to lift up my children to you. You have placed me as their mother and I desire to walk with you daily in raising them. I am asking you to continue to guide me in making the right decisions over their lives. Father help me to understand the ways in which they each feel loved and help me to make the time to love them.

 Father as I follow your lead I come against all works of the enemy trying to sow words of discouragement in their minds, words that would make them  feel not loved, and words that would sow division amongst them.

Father I also break any curses over my life preventing me from having a healthy relationship with my children. Lord I thank you that I can call upon you in all times, in Jesus name I pray Amen.

Monique writes:

“Mommy was I a daddy’s boy when I was a baby?” asked Joseph.

 “Yes Joseph and you still are a daddy’s boy.” I answered

“So mommy once a daddy’s boy always a daddy’s boy?” Joseph continued.

 “Yes Joseph.” I replied.

These were the questions from my 5 year old son tonight as we drove home. As I answered his questions I can feel some excitement stirring up in him. However the excitement came to new heights when daddy got home that night. My husband went to the supermarket and brought home some boxer shorts for Joseph. It was the same style of boxer shorts that my husband wears.

My son went and tried on the boxer shorts. His face shone so brightly that it could have lit up the darkest room. He was simply glowing. It made his day just to have boxer shorts just like daddy. The icing on the cake came when my husband told him that he can now sleep in his boxer shorts just like daddy. Oh boy he was literally jumping for joy.

I have been noticing for some time now that my son has been trying to identify with his daddy. I thank God for a husband who is not only present in the lives of my children but is actively taking an interest in making them feel special.

I pray that in our nations today that the hearts of the father will be turned to the children and that the hearts of the children will be turned to their fathers (Mal Ch 4 vs. 6), in Jesus’name amen.